Amaranthine
by SugarPlumsUnited
Summary: Alec's thoughts on immortality. I'm super bad at summaries...


_Hello Mortal Instrument fandom, this is my first fic for this and I would like to dedicate it to a Miss Regina Star who to me at the very least is amazing and talented. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments._

**Amaranthine:**_  
><em>_**1. **__Of, relating to, or resembling the amaranth (a flower).  
><em>_2. __Eternally beautiful and unfading; everlasting.__  
>3. Deep purple-red.<em>

_Time_ was the problem, one of many problems but the one that for me at least out shone out against all others. It wasn't time in general but the lack of said grains of sand. Before I met _him,_ before my life changed considerably I hadn't thought about death as I do now. As that mundane ancient Roman poet, Quintus Horatius Flaccus once wrote "Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori," "It is sweet and fitting to die for one's country," and I so stupidly believed that, not for my country of course but for my people, for my family and the ones I loved.

Then I had to go and see _him_, at a party no less, with my gang of rambunctious shadow hunters... and two mundanes, one of which I was jealous of. The moment I saw him things changed, it was one of those changes I decided to be stubborn about and refuse for as long as possible, it was a change that I couldn't help but feel in my heart. I have no idea what is was that both seemed to make my heart beat faster and stop simultaneously, it could have been Magnus' surreal cat like eyes, his lean structure that could be considered lanky by a less appreciative eye or maybe it was because he was so him in every sense of the word, so oppositely me.

Deny it I did, to myself and even to Magnus. I was afraid because being with him destroyed everything I knew. In the beginning of our rocky relationship I made the excuse that I loved Jace, it was true in a way because I honestly thought I did have feelings for the blonde and I didn't realise at the time I too was trying to convince myself that I did.

Loving Jace, or more mistaking the type of love I felt for Jace would have much easier than loving Magnus. With Jace nothing would ever happen, my dreams would forever stay mere dreams and I would continue life as a fully closeted gay shadow hunter. When I think of it now, imagine that life I could have had I'm glad that destiny took me on the route I am on now. In that other life I would have probably gotten married to some poor girl I could never have feelings for and live out the rest of my life never truly happy, watch my faux true love settle down and wish it was me he was with. All of it would have been so monotonous, so horrible.

What I got instead was a rollercoaster that went to the extremes and everything in between. We went from in love to the pain of a break up, from happy to sad, confused to utmost clarity and an infinite amount of other emotions, what little we hadn't experienced together would probably come later. All of it was worth it except for one feeling that just didn't seem to go away. That niggling self-conscious one that made me think, What if he grew tired of me? What will happen when I die? Sometimes they morphed into, What if he doesn't really love me?

I knew that the last was the most idiotic of all of them and yet no matter how many times Magnus told me that he loved me, _proved _his love to me, it didn't disappear and I feared that it never would. Recently his immortality and my mortality had played a big role in our disputes, I didn't want to call them fights even though the so obviously were. That was how _time _became my most prominent problem, it was the one thing that stood between Magnus, I and forever. Sad to say time could be seen as our relationships Achilles heel. It was our most powerful foe.

Magnus was stunning, unfading... everlasting and I... was not. I was going to get old and die, not without a fight and that also caused us to fight. Immortality came with a price just like everything else, equivalent exchange. I personally knew that it would mean losing my family, my whole life as a shadow hunter but had I not been willing to give those up when I kissed him in front of everyone at the hall of accords? Yet there seemed to be some things he wasn't telling me, that he refused to tell me but if I was willing to give up my life what more could there be?

The reason I wanted immortality wasn't something narcissistic like forever being young and beautiful, really I never cared much for my looks especially when I went through that stage of being completely disgusted with what I was and ever since then, even with Magnus' ultimate fashion know how that could almost put my sister Isabelle's to shame, that part of me had become so ingrained that it would take more than a lifetime for me to change. I wasn't complaining those experiences made who I am and I was happy enough being me and happier still to have Magnus love and support, even if he hated my faded black clothes and tried to dress me up.

No to me immortality meant something different, it meant finally feeling equal to the god like man that I loved, it meant forever. Forever, the concept of it was astounding to my mortal eyes and at the same time so daunting. I was certain that I wanted that forever and the only reason why I hadn't taken alternate routes was because I wasn't so brash, it was also because of my shadow hunter bring up. Yes I could stand being friends with a vampire even if I could throttle him for what he did to my sister but I could never become on, neither a werewolf, both options were no option at all.

So well time continued to claw at my deepest thoughts all I could really do was be with my only true love and be happy until the day I could convince him to make me immortal, to cease my fear of time, to join Magnus in his amaranthine.

_I hope that was moderately okay, I've never considered writing as Alec before and hopefully I wasn't completely hopeless. Review please._


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